TAKE THE GUN FROM MY HAND AND PUT IT TO MY HEAD twelve

Finally. I raised an eyebrow at my computer's screen as my messenger alerted me to a new email in my inbox. Elin certainly took her time when it came to helping me. Oh well, I guess it's always been her way really but she's always come through for me. I tugged my unruly hair back into something which half resembled a chinon and then brushed the loose strands of hair which usually tickled my face behind my ears. Then I opened her message.

Hi Caitlyn.
Plus.... just calm the fuck down.
And think rationally.
... You calm yet? Good.
Nicole's a slut. I thought you knew that from the start. Will could never have liked a whore like her.
Just, ask yourself. Do you really imagine yourself being with Will and no one else for the rest of your life? If the answer's yes, then go for it. Just... remember not to get too caught up.
And if this is some shitty prank, I will drive over to your house in the dead of night and skin you alive and rip your hair out of your pretty little head and plait it and use it as a dog lead.
Capiche?
x

I found myself chuckling aloud for the first time in a while. My happy laughter bouncing about the empty study; only to knock me with its eerie reverberations. Happiness is fleeting but somehow darkness has the inate ability to cling onto you and suck your life away until you're limp and alone. But for the time, a short time at least, I was happy.
I read over the email...liar, she doesn't even have a dog. My eyes smiled appreciatively at her silly, cynical joke. It reminded me of all of the years I'd spent messing around with Elin when we were both younger. It felt like a lifetime ago. I suppose that for Elin it was a lifetime ago. I'd barely seen her since she'd had her baby. She always said that she had no inclination to have kids but then she'd met the right man and I guess she just changed her mind. Jean-Luc was always so good to her, I'm glad now that she ended up marrying him and they really did make a beautiful child. Her name's Alison. I was angry when I first found out though. I wanted marriage and kids. Not her. I've got a crappy part time job and not a lot else whilst she has everything that I want. I never was any good at coping with this stupid envy of mine, you know? Still, we're friends again now. We never officially stopped being friends exactly, I was just awkward about spending time with her since all the time I was with her I was wishing that I could trade lives. Although that wouldn't have been much of a fair deal would it? So, despite myself, I realised that I was just happy that she was living a good life and eventually, I would find my own fairytale.
Now I have a Prince Charming asking for my hand in marriage but this stupid damsel's so distressed that she can't make up her silly mind.
I pulled my hair down again and twiddled with the tendrils around my fingers. A habit of twenty-seven years is hard to break and somehow, messing up my already messy hair sort of helped my decisions to form in my mind better than usual. Well, sometimes it felt like that anyway.
I thought again about Elin's words. If I want to have Will as my life forever and ever then I should go for it but don't get too caught up. Will already is my life. He's my entire life. I haven't got anything else. I have some fairly close friends but no one quite like William Vale.