Saturday, 12 September 2009

hahahahaha i've no followers here!!

I've not even told anyone about this blog so i'm guessing, i'm writing in privacy. someone may eventually stumble across this but for the moment, I can write about just how much some people piss me off.
fuckfuckfuck. i wish i didn't love robert and i'm young so i probably won't forever but it sure does feel like it at the moment and it sucks because i'm so convinced that he likes someone else. well, i know that he likes someone else, what i mean is i think that i know who the someone else is.
I want a boyfriend. but i want robert as my boyfriend and no one else :S
I sound like a small child but i'm aging! it's my birthday in a mere two weeks!
hold me, hug me, tell me you love me.

HA, robert won't even hug me!! could he say, "i hate you" any clearer?? ah well. i'll deal with it...badly...but i will.
I wish i didn't love him, but it's not as easy as that and nothing easy is worthwhile, right? maybe, how should i know? you're me. exactly. gosh, i sound like tommy, arguing with myself. aw, he's the sweetest guy :) all i gotta do is speak to him and life gets realigned and I don't feel like running my penknife lengthways up my forearm and gazing as the red trickles out. man, that sounded emo. no matter what i say when I'm down or if i may sometimes feel like ending everything, I have to think about the future, there are so many things that I want to do before i die. so many things. I want to have a family. I want to be called Mum... so, even when i'm really depressed, I don't want to die. i don't want to kill myself in any which way. yes i do stupid things but i don't want to die. btw, if you weigh 8st 11lb then you can take 6 paracetemol within the same hour and be ok, even on a very empty stomach. I wouldn't reccomend it, makes you VERY dizzy, and sleepy but it won't kill you. you have to take 8 if you want to die.

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