Monday, 2 November 2009

SLASH ME UP AND TEAR ME DOWN five

I'm twenty seven. I've lived through twenty seven birthdays and christmases. I'm not Christian but my faimly have always celebrated Christmas; even if it was just an excuse for our family to get on. Not that we hated each other. We could scream blue-bloody-murder to one another but we'd scream a million times worse to anyone who'd insult one of us. Close as thumb-tacks. My mum used to say that. We had a pin-board that everything was stuck into; photos, receipts, postcards, drawings, notelets...a miriad of what family is...a mish-mash of trinkets and memories. The pin-board would be so crammed full of our little pieces of mind that there'd be row upon row of thumb-tacks. All mismatched from different sets. Yup, our family were "close as thumb-tacks" all right. Even at twenty seven my mum calls me her dolly...apparently i was quite cute one upon a time...about 26 years ago actually. You'd think that by now she'd use the name which she'd written on my birth certificate. You'd think that by now, I'd be able to make my own mind up. Alas, I'm as indecisive as I was a good twenty years ago. Only the choices I have to make are bigger now. I have a wonderful jury who I can turn to so as I can come up with a verdict on each decision. Traditionally, there are twelve sat in a jury, mine only has eight. They're some of the people I had to let into my life when I learnt that i couldn't always rely on Will. He was my best friend and he was growing up. We both were but it seemed more apparent in him.
Several years after Sophia, Will really did fall for the source of all evil. I'll probably be saying the same for all of his girlfriends. I'm not jealous. I'm not and it's not my fault that he had such bad taste in women. Geez. Nicole Jackson. You couldn't get much worse. Sweet as sugar on the surface but fetid within. She could be kind, even funny and she was very beautiful. The thing was, she knew it. She was very aware that she could have a certain affect on people when she wanted to. She sucked up to anyone she considered worth her time and wound them around her finger; just as she did with her hair.
She strutted. I have to say it! Nicole Jackson actually strutted. I'll never be certain of whether she consciusly chose to do so but it drove me crazy and it wasn't just me either. There were an elite few of us, my trusted jury included, who could see through her benign facade. Nicole Jackson was a bitch. Simple as. Will wanted her?! He could quite possibly have temporarily lost his mind and for this reason, which justified his dating...that; I stayed friends with him. If I blocked his calls every time he did the slightest thing to trouble and upset me then he'd get tired of me. I'd lost him to Sophia once and I wasn't about to let it happen again. I thought to myself that no matter what my role be in his life, as long as it's still there then I am happy. As long as if in some small way Will and I remained connected then I'd put up with anything. Even Nicole Jackson. Although it was pretty grating when he spoke so sweetly of his dear, "Nicky".
My epiphony made me feel so grown up.
I thought I was ready for the big world but I'm still no more than just a little girl. Who needs her friends. Her lovely, beautfiul friends.

Dear EVERYONE!!

I really need some help...please? Okay, Will's proposed.

*breathe!*-I have to keep reminding myself. We haven't been in regular contact lately and now this! I thought that we were drifting apart...to be honest, I thought that with Nicole just beginning work at his firm that the she-devil had returned to dig her claws into him. I haven't got a clue what to do really. Please help.

Love you all
caitlyn
xx

1 comment:

Tommy said...

sent my responce via e-mail :)