I didn't have the energy to tell you the story concerning Richard, far too many long island iced teas, a dance competition....and Tommy. I still don't feel particularly enthusiastic to disclose it now but Tommy's reply to my email appears to be signposting me in that direction. Lucky me.
to caitlyn, bad luck, pal!
i heard they were geting wedded. an awful match, if u ask me. gosh, can u imagine what their children would look like? holy shit...it makes me want 2 cry, it really does. but seriously, nicole's a bitch. reminds me of someone from my old school, though, oddly enough. can't possible say why...what was his name? but anyway, i'm rambling agen. soz. u know, coffee goes as cheap as a kitkat down here in california, it gets 2 ur head. probs not helping, am i? well, u asked for my advice, here it is. if u really love him like we all think u do, then you've got to tell him. before the wedding, preferably. (Seriously, if you stand up in the middle of the wedding and seronade him, I'm calling social services) (Oh, and don't bloody tell him on his aniversary. or his honeymoon, either...jesus christ)...you know, you should probably tell him right now. face 2 face. call him, make the arangements, meet him in town or something. then empty your heart on him. tell him how you feel about him, that's everything, and then see his responce. better he at least knows. if he ditches Barbie-Bitch and takes you, then all's solved. if he tells you a no....well. at least you know you tried. better to at least give it one last shot. u can't go down without a fight, caitlyn! remember what i taught you? in amsterdam last year? (i still can't believe you won that dance-off)...anyway. remember these words of wisdom! Many a man has fallen for a woman in a light so dim he wouldn't have chosen a suit by it...Uhm...if you reverse the roles slightly, i think you get the message. make sure you're certain before u take action. consider it, long and long and hard and hard! That's all from me, i need more coffee. cheers, and good luck.
Amsterdam. Damn them. Richard poured drinks in me whilst Tommy convinced me that I was Ginger Rogers reincarnated. It was our gap year and thanks to all of the late nights and copious abundance of alcoholic beverages (cheers again, Richard!) I now have rather a large gap in what I'm able to remember from that year. I'd always been keen on dancing but preferably on my own or in the dark where no one can see what goes on when my hips start shaking and my feet start tapping to the crazy tunes the DJ's bang out.
I was spinning and kicking and throwing my arms all over the place and as if that wasn't already bad enough, the drinks kept flowing and the music grew louder in an attempt to drown out the cheering the the on lookers spectating the dance contest. I say dance contest but really...well...
I decided to climb up onto the bar which in hindsight probably wasn't the smartest thing to do in 4 inch stilettos and I skin tight mini skirt but it was not my fault. It was Richard and Tommy's faults. I slipped on a drink spillage on the bar and landed on a martini glass...I still have to scar from where the broken glass slashed my skin. I had to go into A&E but the club's owner gave me the title of Dancing Queen of that night. I had won. Oh yes. Although...I do have a slight tinge of the beginning of a sneaking suspicion that this was merely to stop me from suing.
I still won.
Maybe I drank more than one bottle of wine the night that I'd written the email to me friends...Tommy seemed to have gotten the wrong end of the stick about Will's wedding plans just as Caroline had. That wasn't as surprising as his new location in the world though. Throughout school he'd talked about moving over to California and once he'd left he'd gone travelling with a girl I used to know from when I was younger...I can't quite remember her name but I'm glad they ended up together, everybody always said that they were marriage material for each other. Gosh, what was she called? Karen, Kassie...Kayleigh? I dunno...something like that anyway...
I'm still mad at Tommy for the dance contest all those years ago but he did hold my hand when I stayed over night at the hospital getting my thigh stitched up and he did offer to kiss the scar better but I told him that it was quite high up on my thigh and that that would have been a little inappropriate. He's always been a sweetie though. He's over in America trying to persue his acting carreer right now, he's been in soap operas and dramas but he's really looking to find himself a big break now in a movie...preferably opposite some gorgeous girl.
he'd gotten his wires a tidbit crossed in his reply but he'd heard that Will was getting together with Nicole as well...so it couldn't have just been me overreacting then. I'd really, genuinely found myself convinced that Nicole was once again marking Will as her territory like the bitch she was, maybe I should have just spoken to Will like a grown up instead of coming to my own conclusions from rumours.
His reply forced me to think. Everybody knows how much i despise thinking for myself.
I love Will. The more I think of it the more obvious it seems to me that I should already have made up my mind about his proposal.
They always say that when you're in love you just know. So why am I still so unsure about all of this?