Sunday, 4 October 2009

what am i doing?

I've taken an overdose twice in less than a month and it doesn't even make sense. I'm a young girl with maybe eighty years left to do whatever i want in and throwing it all away and I can't begin to think why. I've been upset but so have a lot of people. I really need to get a grip of myself and stop being I have to grow up or i really will find myself in a lot of bother and sooner rather than later. I haven't had a boyfriend since the beginning of April and i reckon that's a good thing really. I have to be okay with myself before I can expect anyone else to be and I need to focus on getting better before i can put any energy into a relationship. I have my entire life to find someone that i love and who loves me. Everyone gets burned from time to time and my time's now but I'll get better. All wounds heal eventually. Some scars may be left behind but in the end we no longer feel them.

Insight is stolen,
Save for the static in the air.
Beads of grey swollen,
Blinded, still but without any care.

Black and white rush by,
Hot or cold I no longer know.
Ink spirals the sky,
White hot coals or soft freezing snow?

The ilk it spreads now,
Certainty still will not tell you.
Times stops you ask how?
Colours a blur; grey and your blues.

It dances and skips,
There it grows; static in the air.
Trace over your lips,
Question throws static in the air.

Asphyxiate me,
No pain nor anguish will scream real.
Static's all I see,
No torment or torture, I feel.

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